If I Could Then I Would
by TheKleptomancer
Summary: **Rated M for mentions of Rape (not graphic, only mentions)**Kojou is forced to go out with his Asagi and Motoki on the carnival night, leaving Himeragi without any defense. Something happens in his absence and by the time he returns, it is too late...(Don't worry guys, it ends well.)


**Yo-yo Sup guys! First things first, I'd like to thank you for choosing to read this fanfiction! We all know that there aren't enough Strike the Blood fanfictions with the best couple ever- Yukina and Kojou (Que to applaud.) And yes, Asagi is a bitch in this fanfiction. Sorry for the offensive language, but yeah...that's me when it comes to Asagi and Kojou together. Be careful, there are mentions of rape, nothing graphic but still..do not read if you don't wish too.**

 **Disclaimer- I do not own the characters and nor do I own the sub-characters, the anime has nothing to do with my ownership...The only thing I own here is the plot.**

She had known that he would break his promise, he always did...when it came to **_Asagi_** , she was suddenly in the shadows, expected to do whatever middle-school students did.

She had been waiting for this night for a _long_ time, long signifying nearly a month. Nagisa wasn't there for today, she was at her mom's, celebrating the end of her examinations. She had hoped she could resolve her issues with her Senpai, her feeling were getting in the way, especially during fights.

Akatsuki Kojou was her responsibility, and she his willing observer, of course she shouldn't be any less than emotionless around him but she had failed...Every time he made conversation with her, she couldn't help but notice the way his silver bangs fell over his aquamarine eyes and his slightly crooked smile that made her heart squirm, begging to be released from it's constraints.

And every single time she tried to talk about it, Asagi came into the scene with her ridiculous excuses. And _he_ was as oblivious as ever, never taking the slightest hint from her blushes or anger when he was getting comfortable with another girl.

Still, in the end it was her own fault, her mistake of falling in...She dare say it...in love with someone so different, so far away that it seemed like the distance between them was wider than the expanse of the universe.

Of course he could never have genuine feelings for someone like her, but her heart was persistent, every conversation, glance and even mention gave it a flutter of liveliness a hope that tomorrow's dawn would finally arrive, but today her Senpai had crushed to such a condition that it was impossible to mend it again.

He had let her down, and it wasn't the first time. Nope, this had happened before and would happen again...

Nagisa wasn't home and her Lance wasn't there (she had broken it yet again), it had fractured today and would take an entire day to come back in it's original state.

She had been hoping that they could be isolated from reality for a while...but Kojou had offered keep her company and had invited her to his house. She had blushed at his proposal and had noticed the apparent pink tint on his cheeks too...It had given her another string to hold on on to, but alas, the string was too thin to support her aspiration.

He had also agreed to go out with Asagi and the rest on the same night...it was the first day of the local carnival anyway. She would have gone with Nagisa but she wasn't there and Kanase was out in Aldegyr. If she went with Senpai, then she would be no more than a burden.

So she watched as he left with a hint of guilt in his eyes, but if he were really guilty then he wouldn't be holding hands with Asagi...Motoki stood there gazing apologetically at her. It didn't make sense though, he was on Asagi's side.

She wished that she could be the one holding his arm and accompanying him to the carnival. He looked well dressed indeed, wearing a pair of skinny black jeans and a black sleeveless jacket that displayed his muscles with a badass angle. And Asagi was clad in a pink princess gown, with no sleeves.

On the way out Kojou had asked her if she wanted to come along and Asagi had answered for her. With a dolt slap to his head, she had said "Stop being ridiculous Kojou, if she wanted to go then she would have gotten ready beforehand, plus she doesn't have anything to wear, she can't go naked can she?" Motoki had spluttered at this, but the last one was much more accusing...Asagi spat it out " Whenever she's around someone or the other always attacks and ruins the day, and when no villain is there to do so, she, herself, does it." She spoke of her like she was never in the room.

Himeragi bent down to hide her burned up face, but when she spoke it sounded like someone else, "Then maybe you should leave now, you don't want to ruin your romantic carnival night, do you?"

And just like that, they left, _he_ left, without a word to Asagi about her speech.

* * *

His blood was definitely boiling at the words Asagi directed towards Himeragi. _Himeragi_ , he absolutely loathed himself. The poor girl did everything he asked her to, tolerated every inappropriate action he inflicted on her or anyone else. He had expected her to resign within a week, but she had stayed...

"Whenever she's around someone or the other always attacks and ruins the day, and when no villain is there to do so, she, herself, does it." Asagi's grip on his bare arm tightened, digging into his skin. But at that point, he couldn't care any less about that. How much more wrong could Asagi get?

He yanked her hand off and took long strides towards Himeragi, his heart constricted at the sight of her depressed posture.

He was almost there when Motoki stopped him, that was when he realized that he was just as bad as Asagi, he had broken his promise..moreover, it wasn't safe, how could he leave Himeragi ALONE without her Schneewalzer? Why hadn't it come to his mind?

He shook his head and turned to refuse but Himeragi's voice rang confidently "Then maybe you should leave now, you don't want to ruin your romantic carnival night, do you?"

Kojou stared at her in shock, but before he could react, Asagi dragged him out slamming the door on the way.

He knew that something was wrong, he knew that he was making the wrong choice. But he made it anyway..

Some mistakes are meant to be made and some disasters are bound to happen..

* * *

Even if she tried her hardest, she couldn't have stopped the tears flowing. They flowed down slowly, not a sound escaping her oppressed, air deficient throat. In this case, however, she gave zero resistance. She was tired, tired of running, tired of suppressing her true side, tired of watching him walk farther away every second. A sob escaped her, and then another, but that was before she managed to restrain herself.

Instead of building up optimism for next time, she ceased the flow of tears by taunting herself of being weak in front of Asagi. She wouldn't surrender; never… It was not what a Sword Shaman was acceptable of doing.

 **-line break-**

She undid the buttons of her school blouse with utter gentleness, not wanting to ruin the garment that she would never own. In reality, she was only here because the Lion King Organization had assigned her to, with a snap of her fate she would have to go back. She was only ere because of orders and not at free will.

For a second she wondered how it would be to back to academy and indulge herself with rough training and tight curfew, trying to forget about Senpai and working to become devoid of emotions.

She was so lost in thought that she never heard the opening of the door or the 'click' of something being locked. The first abnormal sensation she felt was the sharp sear of a pointy needle on her arm.

And by the time she realized what was happening, it was already too late…

Her clothes were torn off hastily, she flinched at the exposure to the cold air.

Regaining her senses, she threw a punch but it wasn't effective, her hand felt sluggish and heavy. In fact, her entire body seemed to fall asleep, leaving out a few inadequate senses.

She was pushed back to the floor beneath her, the thud she landed with was inaudible. She lay there stripped naked, powerless. Her line of sight went to the three dark silhouettes standing in front of her.

With a jolt, she realized what was happening. She trashed wildly using the last of her strength, but her limbs barely budged a centimeter. _The_ _injection_ , she recalled, I _t was an injection_.

Sobs escaped her throat, but they came out as animistic cries due to the drug. The men chuckled as one grabbed her hips and...

* * *

Her throat burned and her eyes stung, the throb in her head was so painful that she wished it would burst. She wished that she had died before this happened, and the wish wasn't the least bit selfish, not one person would care. The organisation would simply assign a new person to take over the job.

The trio didn't bother to cover her up before they left, she was covered in blood, semen and spit, she was sure the drug was wearing off because she had begun to feel the pain.

She balanced herself and tried to stand up, but the leftover effect and the pain between her thighs disallowed her to do so.

Her sobs soon took over the silent atmosphere. She cowered in the cold and with fear. If only she could manage to get into her own apartment without alerting anyone else.

Her hands shook as held her torn clothes, but she still made an effort to cover herself herself with the tattered garments. After another five minutes of persevering, she managed to get up and lean against the dresser.

This time she heard the sound of the apartment door swinging open and closing gently. Somehow she knew it wasn't them, but her panic level still increased, there was no way she would let Akatsuki Senpai see her like this. She swung herself against the bathroom door, managed to twist the knob open and stumble inside.

Her back slammed against the shower wall, creating a hollow sound. She hoped that he wouldn't notice her absence and go to sleep. Tears still streaked down her cheeks and she realized the headache was due to dehydration. She wrapped his towel around herself, trying desperately, to cover up her nakedness.

"Himeragi!" She heard him shout, probably from the living room. "Where are you?" It was a mumble. Hopefully he had given up and wouldn't go check in her apartment.

"Yukina" His voice was softer but when the bedroom door banged opened, she feared she'd be found. "I know you're here, I already checked your place." She swallowed, so he did know her well enough to understand that she was hurt.

"Please come out-" His voice stopped abruptly, she herd a gasp. "Himeragi!" The panic in his voice was obvious. With a jolt she realized that he must have seen the blood stains on the carpet and they probably lead to-

The bathroom door swung open, giving her barely enough time to fix the towel she had around herself.

"Himeragi" Kojou breathed and rushed to wrap his arms around her, she let out a choked gasp when she felt is warm frame around her own frozen one. His arms were tight on her waist in a death grip and his breaths were brief and shallow, either he had come running back or had recently been making out with...

Her breath flared with anger but her grief was too vast, she wanted to push him off her and shout, scream at him that it was his fault no matter what...but at the same time she wanted to share her misery with him. She squirmed in his arms, she'd rather be no one to him than be his pawn.

"I'm sorry." The volume of his voice rose "I swear I will never-" She cried as his hand tightened around her bruised waist, immediately regretting it.

Akatsuki Kojou backed away immediately and finally took in her condition. He saw the tears streaming down her face, her hair matted with fluids and the bite marks on her neck.

She gulped as his expression changed from confused to taken aback to bone rattling anger to guilt and finally to...

"Himeragi-" He reached towards her with heart-breaking gentleness. His hands came under her back and knees and before she knew it, she was in his arms, heading towards the bed.

She struggled to get off, her remorse transforming into anger. "Himeragi...please" If his voice was guilt ridden before, now it seemed broken. She looked up and saw that his jaw was set but his lips were trembling.

Her arms, despite the fact that they were trembling, wrapped around him. Nevertheless, he didn't make eye contact. He set her down on his bed. His eyes met hers when his fingers reached the corner of the towel. She shook her head, not ready to open up yet.

Himeragi's eyes widened when his thumb caressed her cheekbone, tracing over the bruise he blinked his eyes, hiding his pain. The fourth progenitor leaned down to kiss her forehead before walking out in long strides. She sat up in surprise, moaning at the ignition of discomfort all over her body. In spite of the agony she felt, she touched her forehead and cracked a broken half-smile.

He came in with a wet sponge, bucket of water and first aid kit.

"Yukina..."He whispered huskily. "I know you're uncomfortable with this and believe me, if I could go back in time then-"

Before he could finish, she yanked the towel to reveal herself. Kojou's eyes widened at the sight and then closed, she could have sworn she saw a tear slip out.

That was when she realized that she was bleeding in various places, a line of bruises covered her left side, she could recall them kicking her when she wouldn't comply...

Kojou inhaled sharply and brought the sponge down to her tainted skin. He sniffed once and then reached to grab a tissue and wipe his nose.

It took a moment for Yukina to realize that he was aroused, at first she had thought that he was crying...

She let out a weak smile when she saw him struggling to wipe her breasts, he caught her eye and blushed but his face remained grim.

The sponge moved compassionately on her frame, almost like a caress. He stopped to bandage a cut on her side.

When his hand started to go lower, she winced and grabbed the sponge, tears stinging her eyes. He stopped and interlaced his fingers with hers. "Okay. I won't."

"I want to go take a shower." Himeragi blurted her wish out. She registered that this was actually the first time she had said something...

Kojou looked hurt "You're wounded Yukina, you can barely walk-" He stopped abruptly when he saw her expression, "I f-feel disgustiiing a-and-" He nodded curtly and sent her in with his hoodie and shorts.

The water rinsed over her, despite the fact that her body temperature was already low, she didn't use the heater. She wanted to break down and let it all out but she had to maintain the demeanor of a Shaman. Her breaths came out shallow due to the freezing water that went over her, as if it could wipe off what happened tonight.

 **-line break-**

Kojou was seated on the window sill when she came out, she observed that his eyes were glassy. He still hadn't changed and his hair was ruffled up, it seemed like he had run his fingers through it. His face, in contrast to his eyes held anger. He didn't even glance at her, gazing out of the window maybe because he found some comfort in the city lights.

She walked to over to his bed and seated herself on the newly changed sheets. "So..." She said in an effort to make conversation, "How was the carnival?"

In the blink of an eye, he was leaning down on her. Her eyes widened at the sight of his nerve-wracking incisors.

Akatsuki Kojou barred his teeth and said, with a red glint in his eyes "After all that's happened, you ask me about MY CARNIVAL NIGHT!" She flinched involuntarily and his eyes softened, her heart clenched at the anxiety his face held.

"Sorry, I can't calm down. Are you feeling better?" She looked up and, despite the eminent concern in his eyes, she said, "It's all you could care about when you left. That and Asagi." The words came out less harsh than she would have wanted.

Himeragi looked away, unable to maintain her attitude when his expression screamed regret. He cursed under his breath and sighed, then suddenly he pulled her onto his lap. "Senpai!" She screamed and thrashed around, but he wouldn't let her go.

"I apologize, I apologize for everything I ever did. I apologize for the fact that you're here, stuck with me forever." His face was buried in the crook of her neck and his arms were tight around her waist.

Yukina's breath hitched at the close contact, "It's not like that..."

"No Himeragi, it is. I know you're disappointed with me, I always do something to get killed and drink every other girl's blood-" He cut his sentence with a forced laugh.

Yukina did not like where this was going, it felt like he was bidding her farewell.

"But...I-I really don't know how to say this-" His voice cracked.

"Then don't say it, don't disappoint me!" Yukina cried out. She heard him inhale and exhale. "Himeragi-"

"Please don't, don't tell me you're in love with Asagi-san, because I couldn't take-" The thought was so terrifying that it made her shiver.

"No Yukina" The fact that he had called her by family name made her feel like he saw her as a woman, it made her insides fill up with warmth. His nose nuzzled in the curve of her neck making her stomach flip around. "You've got it all wrong..." Her heart beat faster and faster.

"It's you who I love. I love you, Himeragi Yukina." His hands caressed her sides, making her breath catch in throat. "I know it's really sudden and considering the situation-"

Despite the pain, she twisted around in his lap, "I love you too, Senpai."

Akatsuki Kojou looked shell shocked, but soon recovered. Grinning from ear to ear he said, "In that case, you should be calling me Kojou."

And just like that, she forgot all about the assault.

Kojou bent down closing his eyes, she knew what was happening he was going to...and suddenly her nervousness overcame her euphoria. what did he expect of her? What was she supposed to do? What if she accidentally bit-

All of her insecurities vaporized when his lips brushed against her, soon enough her instincts took over. Her Senpai tasted of chocolate, probably from the carnival night, sweet and utterly _d_ _elicious._

Their lips moved in perfect sync over each arms were wrapped around his neck and his own rested on the small of her back.

It was all too perfect until he slid his tongue into her mouth.

Himeragi backed away immediately and wiped her lips, getting them rid of his saliva.

Her glare was definitely life threatening. "Senpai..."

He shielded his face with his arms. "I'm sorry..." He said, he should've been more sensitive considering the circumstances.

"Baka Senpai...I-I'm sorry I didn't know. I-"

When he finally looked at her he saw tears streaming down her cheeks "I'm sorry, I can't...not today"

In a second his arms were around her, his voice came out soft "I understand...Himeragi" And they sat their in each other's arms.

Himeragi let out a yawn, he pulled away, sensing her need to recover. He was surprised when her hand reached up to touch his face, and even more so when it landed above the curve of his lips.

She giggled and wiped his nosebleed with a tissue. "You're as perverted as I give you credit for Se-K-Kojou..."

His heart melted at the sight the sight of her at ease for the first time in weeks. Slowly, he reached to trace the bruise on her cheek and then he bent down and kissed it, a feather light touch with his lips.

Himeragi's eyes fluttered close as she lay down on the bed. Again, he leaned down to give her a goodnight kiss, "I'll be there on the couch if you need me."

He turned around about to head to the living room but she pulled him down next to her with one clean gesture. "No Kojou, please stay..."

Her eyes were terrific, hints of broken emotions in their fringes.

He took her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. He leaned in yet again and kissed her cheek "I will, as long as you want me to." But her eyes had already shut closed

Her light snores filled the room, at that moment, she looked absolutely adorable. He slung his other arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer as if to shield her from any incoming threats.

And for the first time since he had become a vampire, the fourth progenitor, he felt like he belonged.

* * *

 **First things first, Review, Favorite and Follow. I'm kinda new, so please do so.**

 **The second thing is that this doesn't have to be a one-shot, I can continue on and on. I repeat this doesn't have to be one-shot, _I can continue_ , but I need more reviews...so please review.**

 **And last but not least, if you guys have more ideas then I will try to publish more chapters and stories.**

 **I know that was a really crappy end-of-the-chapter note, but I wanted to post the story as quickly as possible, so yeah...I took less than a minute to type it out. (I was talking about the note and not the story...)**

 **Until next time, if there is a next time.**

 **Sincerely,  
Annabeth-AD**

 **IKR I keep changing my name...:D**

 **And seriously guys! I thought you could do better than this! No reviews...**

 _ **Guys! My name is Annabeth-AD and I'm the very same person who wrote Where this led us (A.K.A.-A Slight Misunderstanding)**_


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